Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Ahh, it's that time of the year again. Valentine's Day.
The day when it seems as if the whole world can do nothing better than hang on their lovers' necks, whisper soppy Hallmark card cliches and drool over each other in public in complete oblivion to their surroundings. Suddenly all reality has ceased to exist and the only thing that is not an illusion is your girlfriend/boyfriend.
And of course, while you're at it, go line the pockets of the florist/chocolate/greeting card industries. We live in the age of late capitalism when even romance reaches the pinnacle of commercialism on this one day every year.
Ok, I know I risk sounding like an absolute loser and sour-grape as I sit here typing this on THE day when everyone is supposed to be out having fun and proving that they have not been left on the shelf. But I'm tired of all this need to blatantly prove to the world that one is not a loser because one has a girlfriend/boyfriend. I'm tired of all the excessive public displays of affection and exorbitantly-priced roses and boxes of cloyingly-sweet candies. It's as if the world doesn't really believe in romance anymore but is trying to delude itself that it still does.
Which is why I'm grateful that I don't have to go to school today and be innudated with all the mush. It's terrible that mainstream society is pushing this horrendous discourse that a person is an absolute loser if he or she doesn't have a lover, especially on Valentine's Day. I was watching Densha Otoko the other day for the Pop Culture in Contemporary Japan module, and the film was constructing the protagonist as this pathetic otaku-geek because he is 22 years old and hasn't had a girlfriend for 22 years. And I'm ashamed to admit I was led on by the cinematic apparatus to laugh at that.
I'm 22 this year and I have never had a boyfriend. I know quite a few people my age and older who have never had lovers before. And the point is, there is nothing wrong with being unattached. There is definitely more to life than pinning your entire self-worth onto another person.
Call me envious if you wish, but I think after all these years of reading depressing literary works and Lacanian psychoanalytic theory and seeing the relationships of people around me crumble despite all the heartfelt declarations of eternal and undying love, I don't believe in love anymore, and certainly not romance. I think I have become a disciple (somewhat) of the school of Adnan (I wonder if he still remembers what he told me about his theories on romantic love). I've become Robyn Penrose who sees romantic love as a discourse and well, although I think it's still possible to allow oneself to submit to this discourse while recognizing it as a discourse, it's a highly untenable position.
It's been 3 years now and I think I'm much happier this way. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret what I did. But I've found out that I like my personal space and time to do things I enjoy on my own. I've found that I can be satisfied with reading a book and being alone for hours at a stretch. And I've also found out that I have great friends of both sexes who I can talk to and there's really no need to go any further than that. Perhaps someday I will willingly submit myself to the belief that I'm in love with someone, but that's not going to be anytime soon.
So, for those of you who have lovers, good for you and may your relationships last beyond the flowers and the chocolates. As for me, I'm content with spending this year's Valentine's Day alone at home studying for my European Lit test tomorrow. And I haven't finished studying yet... >___<
kaoru said at 1:35 AM
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