Thursday, June 29, 2006
Gosh, I've not been updating my blog regularly lately. I've simply been up to my neck with work, CCA matters and all sorts of other things...
Yesterday evening, something happened at work which forced me to confront what I've repressed for some time now. I admit that I've fallen. I've crossed the line, a fine one perhaps but nonetheless, I've crossed the line from the realm of art to the realm of propaganda. For the sake of money, I was willing to embellish, to falsify, to stifle when I should rightly have left truth to speak for itself.
There was a time when I aligned myself to students and wrote for them, fought for their rights, discussed what mattered to them. Now I'm writing for the establishment, slaving away at the Ministry of Truth for Big Brother, cutting out what is undesirable and twisting meanings for petty endorsements. My lecturer and my friend from Princeton have praised me for my writing skills, and now I use those very skills for such ugly, crude ideological purposes? It certainly didn't help that I was reading Mishima Yukio's Kinkakuji just before the incident at work occured and it then it struck me that there was absolutely nothing beautiful in what I was writing...
But I don't think I'm stained beyond salvation yet. I believe that I can still purify my pen by writing and drawing what I want, and soon, I'll be able to return to the warm, secure world of writing essays on Shakespeare and Virginia Woolf. And next summer holiday, I am not going back there again.
kaoru said at 9:16 AM
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